A Merry Missive

To
Mr Santa Claus
North Pole
SAN TA1


Dear Great Unca Nick,

This is the second letter I’m writing to you, this time to let you know that I have found the perfect gift for Mommy and Daddy and won’t need your help after all. Do you remember I said I didn’t know what to get them (they seem over the moon having got me this year and are always saying there’s nothing more they want)?

Well, I thought about it long and hard and decided that since they say I’m the best thing they’ve ever had, I should really get them something along the same lines; no, not another baby, they’ll have to ask the Stork for that. But I could get them a better version of me (I know you're thinking, like Mommy and Daddy, that that's not possible)!

Let me explain. Remember Jack Nicholson in ‘As Good As It Gets’ telling Helen Hunt that she makes him “want to be a better man”? Well, Mommy and Daddy’s infinite love and care makes me want to be a better baby.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m no angel and never will be! My world wouldn’t be the same without my daily diversions of pulling Mommy’s hair and pummelling my toys with my plastic hammer. Persistently throwing things from my high chair so my parents pick them up time and again is a teatime treat I couldn’t live without. And I really couldn’t get through a meal without grabbing my spoon and dashing it to the ground just as Mommy brought a big, wobbly spoonful to my mouth. You’ve got to admit giving these innocent little distractions up would be asking too much of any spirited baby. And that’s not the kind of cold turkey I have in mind for Christmas!

What I have been doing in my spare time (in between feeds and play sessions; I don’t nap, such a mindless waste of time- yawwwn) is perfecting my crawl for Mommy. I’ve been practising when her back’s been turned so she thinks I can’t crawl properly yet, but I can really. I’ve been pulling the wool over her eyes (a marvellous metaphor for a Christmas post, methinks!) with my deliberately ungainly caterpillar crawl but come Christmas morn, I shall unveil my new super-smooth slither! I figured it would be a good gift for her because I can then go wherever she goes without her having to pick me up as I am getting quite heavy (and she isn’t very big for a ‘big person’).

For Daddy, I’ve sussed sitting up unassisted so we can have a man-to-man grapple and play other macho games when he comes home from work every day! But there's this little business of falling over I still do which I need to straighten out before the big day. I’ve been trying to learn to stand without support as well but I don’t think I’ll have that wrapped up for Christmas. And although I can’t stand yet, I do have my feet firmly planted on the ground and know that that might have to be my Valentine to my two favourite people (always a forward-thinking baby, me)!

I suppose Valentine’s pressies are outside your remit Santa; you wouldn’t have Cupid’s address, would you?

Christmas Cuddles,
From Syon